No matter how smart we are, we are all programmed to react in automatic ways. We fall back on this programming most of all in stressful moments, when our higher brain functions are shut down by adrenaline. This automatic behaviour occurs most frequently in our important relationships.
In our early relationships we unconsciously create an operating system of how to function, based on whatever we had to deal with in our family system. Whether we like it or not, we are all programmed to experience relationships in a particular way based on our early primarily relationships: how we were related to and what was modeled to us as children. These emotional habits are hard-wired into our brains and nervous systems without us realizing and they dramatically impact how we relate as adults. They include a whole set of beliefs about ourselves and the world that we are mostly unaware are actually running our lives. Most of us go through life still using our childhood operating system, even though they’re obsolete.
This programming is great if the system is healthy. But unfortunately, many of us of did not learn – from our parents or in school – how to navigate relationships skilfully, especially the one with ourselves. As a consequence, our emotional habits can create heart-break and struggle as we react without knowing exactly why we are doing so.
What is your operating system and is it working for you?
I help trace and unpack the root causes of their emotional habits so they see how they picked them up and why they act the way they act in relationships. As my client, you assess the ways in which your old operating system is no longer useful to you and develop practical skills to respond rather than react to life. This also allows us to make move towards well-being and away from chaos and rigidity.
I’ll equip you to increase your emotional intelligence and develop insight and compassion about who you are and how you have been living. Under the surface, emotions drive most of our decisions. Most of us have little comprehension of the emotional dynamics driving the decisions we make and reactions we have to stress. I help people to develop a deep knowledge and comprehension of the emotional habits that lie behind our habitual decision making. As soon as we experience stress, we are not run by our conscious mind any more, we are run by a more basic programme – older automatic emotional habits that were intelligent responses in early life.
With me, you will work to understand and unpack the early emotional hard wiring that still largely drives your decisions and reactions to current life conditions. This therapy will give you greater freedom to respond rather than react. You will have greater freedom to choose how to respond to stressful moments and more skilfully navigate difficult relationships.